BIG NEWS - DICKY B CHOOSES RUNNING MATE

My friends, by now you've heard the news reports that I have chosen a running mate. While the options were many - I thank Alan Keys, Rick Santorum, Fred Thompson, and Tom Cruise for their interest - I have chosen the best candidate for the job. A man who came very close to reaching the White House himself, falling short by just a few votes. In point of fact, he fell short by all the votes, but that's only because you, America, lack vision.

Meet Lee L. Mercer, Jr.

You will immediately notice two things about Mr. Mercer - we share the same rugged good looks, and our party platforms are nearly identical. A brief survey of his website illustrates how closely we are aligned in spirit and in deed. For example, Mr. Mercer says, right out in the open, for all to see:

"There is concern about the U.S. Government Economy and the US Public’s Economy enforcements. I will enforce the U.S. Government’s Economy and the US Public’s Economy regulating its enforcements itself with its regulations pretaining to itself and according to it’s enforcements to maintain 100% effectiveness with my tools."

Folks, that's the kind of vision this country needs. You don't hear Obama making statements like that. It's that kind of bold leadership that's been missing in our debates. But he doesn't stop there. Mr. Mercer's website is full of those same bold statements. Take a look at his current issues page. Unlike the ANY of the other candidates (including, sadly, myself), Mr. Mercer takes on the big questions, like "Our Concern of Circumstances."

Now I know what you might be thinking - given my somewhat unorthodox views about African-Americans, why would I choose a black running mate? Well folks, the writing is on the wall. The popularity of Barack Obama simply cannot be overlooked anymore. If America loves a candidate who is only sort of black in a Tiger-Woods-Derek-Jeter-Is-He-Half-Chinese-or-What kind of way, they'll love a candidate who is OBVIOUSLY black. Beyond the color of their skins, Obama and Mercer are two peas in a pod. Black-eyed peas, if you will. For example, on his website, Mr. Mercer notes that he "will enforce the U.S. Government Religions enforcement regulating its enforcements itself with its regulations pertaining to itself and according to its enforcements." Obama has said the same thing at almost every campaign stop he's made. I'm sure it's on Youtube somewhere.

Folks, they've got Obamamania. We've got Dicky Fever.

Dicky and Mercer. The future is now. I will borrow a quote from Mr. Mercer, who enjoys a much greater perspicacity than I: Once I am elected to the office of President of the United States of America the thing I am going to do for the people is regulate the office of the President of the United States of America right and not wrong.

You heard it here first.